I honestly never thought I'll write something like this but here we are. Firstly I just hope you all understand that this is very personal and it is hard to write about but I wanted to be honest with you and tell you what's been going on behind the scenes.

While back I wrote about starting college and how I've had some struggles with it all, doe it was just beginning and that I hoped how with time things will get better and a bit easier, well they didn't.

Let's go to few weeks after that post was written.

From very start I knew things won't be easy since the background of my previous education wasn't in any way connected to what I have decided to study. This soon became huge issue and one of main reasons of my decision.

The first 2 months things seemed easy and manageable but things started to complicated a lot and very soon and all at once. I become aware that no matter how much I had spent studying and going to tutoring I wasn't able to keep up and soon I got behind on almost every subject I had. That meant that I was not passing my exams and well I didn't want that, spending so much time and money and having such bad results made me feel so bad and in same way angry.

In the same time I was having some hard time making new friends and bonds with people who were with me in class. I didn't know what happened in between start and middle of semester but I found myself hanging out with only one person from 30 people class. I'm not normally person who has lots of friends or bothers with making many connection, it's more quality over quantity but this hurt and just added loneliest to the list. I was fruistreided that I was giving all I could and not having anything for it, especially since I was so looking forward to that college and becoming student.

For months I was juggling with all this emotions and with endless options, decisions and wishes of what to do next, and it wasn't easy. I have thinked about so many different scenarios and possible paths to walk next, and after many many heavy nights and days of thinking I decided.

I'm quitting collage!

I'm very scared and nervous of what's happening next. I have applied to my dream college and now it's waiting time until then I'm working my butt at McDonalds to earn and save as much possible so I can actually pay for my possible next chapter.  I'm equally excited and nervous but happy that I made right choice for me.


                                                                               Ivana